Author Archives: karl

Books for December and January

Books marked as asterisks* are best sellers:
Books I am reading in January:
Daylight by David Baldacci*
Talking to Goats by Jim Gray*
Killing Crazy Horse by Bill O’Reilly*
Never Tell by Lisa Gardner
Books I read in December:
You Are Not Alone by Greer Hendricks & Sarah Pekkanen
Bedpan Commando by June Wandrey
Your Next Five Moves by Patrick Bet-David
Near Dark by Brad Thor*
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Pity is Not for Us

PITY IS NOT FOR US
By Karl J. Krayer, Ph.D.
Reprinted with permission from BIND
Brain Injury Network of Dallas
    I was a facilitator for the Men’s Group at BIND (Brain Injury Network of Dallas) on September 5. That meeting had a profound effect on me. We had a record nine participants to discuss this topic.
    I could not get this out of my mind. As a result, I started to gather more comments, and publish these in this blog post for BIND.
    This is the question we discussed that morning: “What do you think about other people who feel PITY because they know you have gone through a brain injury?”
Pity is defined as “the feeling of sorrow and compassion caused by the suffering and misfortunes of others.” Or, “the feeling when you witness the misfortune or suffering of someone who is worse off than you. Pity is feeling bad for someone else, because they are in an unfortunate situation, or at least, in a situation that is worse than your own.”
What hit me was: “Is that what we want? Or, to feel pity for us?” I asked several members: “How do you react to this? What do you want people to feel and say instead?”
    This reminded me about the Muscular Dystrophy campaign which lasted for years with Jerry Lewis. You may remember that there was an all-night annual Telethon to raise money for “his kids.” The show was live and produced nationally in Las Vegas and featured many stars in television and cinema. It was very successful until it moved its focus into pity. That is not what neither the sponsors nor the families and children wanted. The program fizzled out into obscurity.
    You will find ample stories and case studies about brain injury. We do not need to repeat these. However, there is a clear difference in how each of us might think. If we think that we are helpless and are filled with regret and sorrow, we may seek pity. In those cases, we would want people to take care of us. What happens when we shift our thinking? In those cases, the goal turns to take care of one’s self.
    So, what do we want instead? In our discussion it was clear that the participants want to be “real” about what happened to us.  We do not want to sugar-coat our experience. We do not want to be talked to like children. We want facts to learn what the next steps in recovery will be.
Our members do not seek pity to raise any money for our recovery. What is more important is a stronger understanding of what happened to us. We want to know how we can help ourselves and others around us. We either want to prevent a repeat of the injury, or learn to cope with it. We want to move on. We are willing to work in a different way even if it is slower and painful. The last thing we want is to stand still.
    Here are two comments I received:
SusanF
“Being affected by my brain injury has been surprisingly positive for me. BIND, new friends, fun, happiness, and so on. Pity can be for others. Learning so much about the brain and how it works gives me a lot of pride – and understanding of others who also are affected by brain injuries. Thanks for asking!”
DavidS
“I do not mind talking about my brain injury. But, if that is all we talk about, I lose interest quickly.”
    To me, this positive attitude is great to maintain. Obviously, we have down days and have doubts about the nature of our recovery. But, the question becomes not only what happened to us. We do not surrender anything about our condition. We look where we are going next and how to accomplish that.
    We do not need pity. Pity does not help anyone. We need help in other ways that are productive. Feeling sorry for us does not do that.

Take-Aways from “Your Next Five Moves”

PATRICK BET-DAVID author of  Your Next Five Moves 

You will gain:

CLARITY on what you want and who you want to be.

STRATEGY to help you reason in the war room and the board room.

GROWTH TACTICS for good times and bad.

SKILLS for building the right team based on strong values.

INSIGHT on power plays and the art of applying leverage.

Take Aways 

  1. Always think beyond your first move. Anticipate how others will respond and deploy additional moves that can’t be counteracted.
  2. Subscribe to the Valuetainment YouTube channel for educational content.
  3. Take the personal identity audit at the back of the book to learn more about yourself. The goal is to have a breakthrough.
  4. Discover what role suits you best and who you want to be. Examples include being an entrepreneur, intrapreneur, CEO/Founder, support team member, solopreneur, influencer, salesperson. Find the path that allows you to use your unique talents with the best odds for the highest possible return, and that also fires you up.
  5. Before making a decision, start out with the “rule of three” by creating three different proposals for dealing with an issue. It will allow you to compare them against each other to have some sort of reference.
  6. When you lose, fail, or make mistakes, reflect on the situation and learn from it. Don’t lose the lesson. Great processors rarely repeat their mistakes.
  7. Look at life as a big list of mathematical problems to solve. For effective decision making, solve for X to isolate your problem.
  8. Don’t be afraid of friction. Friction is good. Whether in life or business, it takes both courage and skill to be direct with people.
  9. When running your business, do not compromise on speed, execution, or efficiency. Look for ways to compress your time frames.
  10. When selling, negotiating, or influencing, instead of thinking only about what’s in it for you, think about how to find wins for those you are working with.

 

Books I Have Read – September-October 2020

Here are the newest books that I have read recently:

(Note: The books marked with a (*) are current best-sellers)

Current Books (October, 2020)
Rage by Bob Woodward(*)
Right Behind You by Lisa Garner
Bedpan Commando by June Wandrey
————————————————————————–
Recent Books (September, 2020)
Your Next Five Moves by Patrick Bet-Davis(*)
Look for Me by Lisa Garner
Near Dark by Brad Thor
Karl J. Krayer, Ph.D,
214 543-4458 / 
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My Current and Recently Read Books – Sep / Aug

Here are the newest books that I have read recently:

(Note: The books marked with a (*) are current best-sellers)

Current Books (September, 2020)
Your Next Five Moves by Patrick Bet-Davis(*)
Look for Me by Lisa Garner
Near Dark by Brad Thor
Bedpan Commando by June Wandrey
————————————————————————–
Recent Books (August, 2020)
The Room Where it Happened by John Bolton* (continued)
Spy Master by Brad Thor
Blue is the Warmest Color by Julie Maroh
You Call it Sports, but I Say it is a Jungle Out There by Dan Jenkins
Dallas 1963 by Bill Minutaglio and Steven Davis
Karl J. Krayer, Ph.D,
214 543-4458 /
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Patience is a Virtue

BIND (Brain Injury Network of Dallas)

August 31, 2020

By Karl K.
     Patience is a virtue. The problem is that most of us do not have much of it. The current generation has moved us into a state of instant gratification.
     People want things now.Not everyone believes that patience is a key to success. I spoke to 80 students last year who wanted to major in Speech Pathology. Many of them wanted to become therapists. At the close of the meeting, I wished all of them much luck, and a great career. And then, I stopped and said, “if you do not have great patience, you need to find something else to do.” Short of knowledge and wisdom, patience is the most important behavior for a professional to display.
     I see patience manifested every day. I am now in an organization called BIND (Brain Injury Network of Dallas). The directors and volunteers are the most patient people I have never been around! They may need to hit their heads a few times after getting home, but you would never know it while they work. They answer questions, help members walk and use a wheelchair, put up with constant interruptions, repeat instructions, and urge participants in a discussion to stay on the subject at hand. I can tell you that I could not do what they do, and they do it very well.
     As I write this blog, this week I am leading a group who wants to know how they can help others who have had language and speech difficulties. The formal term is aphasia. There are many ways to do that including the following:
Be patient
Use plenty of time
Establish the topic
Use “yes” and “no” questions
Repeat and ask for understanding
     Patience is important to someone who needs help, but who cannot be rushed. Have you ever said this: “how long do I need to take this medicine?” “How many visits to have to the doctor until I am healed?” Some things are not in your control. Some things cannot be rushed. You cannot hurry plants to grow, make the weather cooler, or cram for test that you should have studied for weeks, but you did not. You may be a Christian. You pray that God will make something happen for your family. He may, but the reality is that He works on his own time, not yours.
    Experts explain that four steps are needed to increase patience with others.
Make yourself wait
Stop doing things that are not important
Be mindful of the things that make you impatient
Relax and take deep breaths
         Taken from the video “Always Thinking”, October 30, 2019
     Think how the world would be a better place if we just use only 10% more patience. How would you use that time? You do not have answer right now. 
     Be patient!

 

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